Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Little did I know that on the morning of my last blog post (November 27th, Thanksgiving Day), the Lord was granting you the greatest blessing. Eternal peace and happiness. While I created this blog to solely capture memories for my precious girls, it is simply impossible for me to make another post until I stop to acknowledge you:
~Acknowledge the fact that your face is in countless memories of mine, some of my very best, and some of my very worst.
~Acknowledge the fact that you had an exceptional heart that touched all that ever knew you, but your heart and your befuddled mind could never really be friends.
~Acknowledge the fact that though there were numerous times I had to run from you, there were many more times that you were the only one I would run to.
~Acknowledge the fact that despite the chronic lies and sour tongues, you also spoke truths like no other.
~Acknowledge the fact that your presence made me tremble out of terror on many occasions, but in many more instances, I could only feel security and contentment if I was by your side.
~Acknowledge the fact that you are responsible for my greatest laughs, and my loudest sobs.
~Acknowledge the fact that there have been innumerable times I honestly and sincerely wanted to wring your neck, but many more times I merely yearned to hold you tight.
~Acknowledge the fact that though I have been viewed as "giving up" on you or "letting you go," you and I both knew and understood that wasn't the case.

We have always been bound by an unbreakable love, but lately we've had no choice but to love from a distance.

Everyone had a different bond with you. To many, you were a hero. To others, you were a rock. To some, you were a monster. To everyone, you were quite a character.....one like no other soul on the planet. For me, you were all of the above. But above all, you were my Daddy. Despite the recent pain, chaos, and experiences that can't and won't verbalize, that intertwined connection between a girl and her Daddy still remain. It always has, and it always will. As much as I have liked to deny it, I am much like you in many ways....I have your killer cheekbones that oftentimes can't be seen until I lose a few pounds. I have your A.D.D.....I attempt to clean a house EXACTLY like you did, which results with only parts of each room being cleaned, and the rest scattered about. I have your creativity and hands....I can build or make anything I put my mind to, just as you could. I have your humor....it is oftentimes inappropriate or over-the-top, but it's a whole lot of fun. I have your love of skies and all things that God painted in nature.....Lea and I saw a rainbow and a bajillion birds immediately following your service.....I think I know who had a hand in that!! I have your stature and physical strength (believe it or not).

Despite the physical strength, I also have something that you never did - inner strength. In our last conversation on November 16th, you told me how happy you were for my happiness, and to never, EVER dwell in sorrow. I promise you that I won't. Your death is not truly what saddens me, for I know that you are finally free, in every sense of the word. Your battle is won. You have finally overcome all that was unconquerable for you on this earth. You are completely restored and healed in every aspect. While that gleam in your eye vanished many, many years ago, I have no doubt that your eyes now twinkle like the stars as you explore your new, perfect surroundings.

However, it does sadden me to the core at times to think of what could have been. What could have been if you could have loved yourself like others loved you? Still, my plans and God's plans don't always coincide. I have fully learned to trust not in my own understanding, and that God's will is much greater and more complex than my inane comprehension. My faith carries me, and I know all is well.

Know that I will carry you with me always, and I know that you will always be near until that One Fine Day in which I will see that gleam again. I love you, Daddy. Forevermore.

Always,
Drew-Drew